It took years and years of (very) occasional searches, all of which came up fruitless. A couple times I came across a low-quality version that temporarily satiated my appetite for childhood nostalgia, but it was never good enough.
Happily, times have changed. Today I am happy to announce that I am now the forever-owner of a high-quality version of the “Two-Fisted Slopper” video that was shown on the Milwaukee County Stadium (RIP) scoreboard during Milwaukee Brewers home games during the 1980s and 90s!
(h/t to the Cait Covers The Bases MLB blog for posting this video, and for allowing downloads!)